** UPDATED**Should My Daughter's School Punish Her Because I Screwed Up?

How is it the school's responsibility to call the dentist's office EVERYTIME a parent/student forgets the note that they requested which are part of the school's codes of conduct which all of them knew about beforehand?! They could be making hundreds of phone calls if parents knew they didn't really HAVE TO get the note to the school because the educators will just make the calls for them. Absolute chaos would ensue.

We blame schools so much and forget that there are responsibilities that lie with the parents and students as well. As parents, why don't we take MORE responsibility for our actions and the actions of our children. I know this next statement might be impossible to believe... but the mom should have defended the school by saying to the daughter, "You did break the school policy of not bringing a note to school and because of that the school has no idea if you really were gone for a legitimate reason or not." She continues, "It is not the school's responsibility to get a note so I will see if I can track down the dentist's office to have them fax a note or call the school personally for you, but if I cannot, you may need to serve the detention because you forgot to get the note when it was needed."

You will probably hate me for making this statement, but I think it is truth. Don't shift the blame onto other people, take responsibility. I have had to learn the hard way when it comes to this idea too.

Since you do not know how to pick up a phone, I was worried that my daughter would not be taught how to pick up a phone, and that's what I've been teaching her how to do the last couple of days. Turns out it's not that hard to learn. If you need lessons on how to pick up a phone,

So once again it becomes the schools's fault. The school has a process for parents in these situations. The bottom line is the parent did not follow it. There are consequences to pay. Look in the mirror and say this is all my fault 100 times. I caused my child to be punished.

The schools have enough to do witout following up on YOUR children.

Sorry Steve but that is CRAP. The school doesn't care about kids they only care about their jobs. Teachers hands are tied by administrators worried about keeping cushy high paying jobs that require little to no effort, only coming up with bureaucratic garbage to confound and frustrate a system that is meant to educate.

Schools stopped educating 20-30 years ago, once the liberal nabby pansies decided requiring personal responsibility was to high a bar for children to reach and parents must be too incompetent to pay attention.

I would agree with that EXCEPT the school was notified prior to the absence that the absence would occur and for what reason. The parent in this case DID act responsibly, however the school wanted a note as well the next day. I'm sorry but last time I checked, I am the parent of my children, and if I decide they need to be absent for a dentist appointment or a day to hang by the pool, that's my right to decide. I should not have to send a note in addition to a phone call. In our district (not the same at in the original story) if you don't call in for your child within an hour of school starting, their policy is to call the student's house.

Are you forgetting that the mother was taking the blame?!?!?!?! She wasn't trying to shift it, in fact she is trying to keep it from being shifted on to her daughter.

Hopefully the mom will just call the school or even better come in person and just let them know it was her fault. I have the feeling the secretaries will be helpful and the daughter will not have to face detention for her mother's mistake

glad to know you are able to find something that works for you. That is more important then anything eles

If you wrote the note and she lost it or forgot to turn it in, that is one thing. But if you forgot to give it to her, then it is not in any way her fault. I think part of teaching kids responsibility is also teaching them that they should not have to accept punishment or consequences for something they didn't do. I can't believe the school didn't give her a second chance to bring the note in the next day. We are all human, we are not robots. What is wrong with a grace period? If you are one day late on your mortgage, do the banks come to your house the next day and throw you out?

I agree!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Not to pile onto the schools here, but people have to realize that schools are run like a business now...with the exception of any obligation to customer service. I don't like how they play up the "care provider" and "mind molder" image only when it suits them these days. Whether public or private, schools are not a charity operation providing a selfless service to needy kids as they often portray. Drop the emotions from both sides in this situation and what you have is unnecessary action on the part of the school in my opinon. They are not in the business of behavior modification; they address behavior that henders the business of teaching and administration of the school. Given the phone call, they shouldn't be making the claim that either condition existed to the point of punishing the student.

Roy,

If they were run like a business the kids would actually be getting someone of value for our money. Rather the schools are now as an extension of the welfare/socialism model meant only to enslave the future generations to ignorance, entitlement and dependence on failed polices of those whose only desire is power.

This is why private schools are back on the rise becasue Uncle Sam let in too many liberals and the whole stew is putrid now.

The schools have enough to do witout following up on YOUR children.

If that were the case, then why would they even care if she was absent?

Don't get your hopes too high for the private schools. They are by far way worse than public schools. Looking back at my high school days, when the Catholic church ran the school, to the lay people they turned the power over to in the past few years, I am very sad to say the church did a far better job at instilling a sense of etiquette, priority, respect, and the understanding that we would, through our hard work, have a better future.

Currently, the school does not punish inappropriate conduct and if they do place a punishment, it is always quickly resolved with a donation of some sort. Education is severely lacking and teachers and administrators alike - not all mind you, but certainly key individuals - display behavior that does not exude good examples of personal responsibility, honesty, community, respect, or even work ethic.

This new generation, MY generation, of new educators and leaders lack many qualities that we once use to look up to. Everyone wants the kids to be their friend or "trust" them like they do their buddies. That is just ridiculous and is impairing the new group of children coming up through our educational systems. Teachers/administrators are suppose to be an authority figure to the students and through respect and understanding they can learn to find some level of friendship.

Certainly the authority figures are not perfect, but it is through the quality education that the students are suppose to be receiving that they eventually learn to respectfully analyze and question said authority. To note I'm not arguing that liberals or conservatives educators are better than the other, but rather as a society we should stop labeling everything and address the common everyday morality, etiquette, and behaviors that we are teaching this youngsters to which I'm quite sure both sides of whatever groups you are comparing are quite similar.

If they were run like a business the kids would actually be getting someone of value for our money.

LIAMD, now...I didn't say they were running a successful business! I'm talking purely from a position of minimizing costs and maximizing profits...from whatever model of efficiency or perspective it takes to see the right picture. Customer service has been factored as a cost of luxury, and similar to the airline industry, they can be expected to pass every cost to the customer.

Like I said earlier, i'm not piling onto the schools either. It's even a known fact that doctors (a once noble profession) are influenced by business forces...or they at least have misaligned incentives to always perform what's of best value to their customers.

education and health care are not businesses!

that's how the heck we got here.

education and health care are not businesses!

Yet the influences and misaligned incentives remain the same.

you would have to be specific regarding those influences and incentives.......

free,

Here's an influence for you, an actual quote from a parent. If you don't give my kid an A I'll make sure the school board doesn't renew your contract. Said to a friend on mine. And yes, the parent really did try hard to have the contract not renewed and was almost successful. The administrators backed up the parent to protect their worthless hides the teacher had too much documentation of grades for the board to do anything, but how would like to have lived in that type of stress, knowing a parent was doing everything they could to have your fired becasue you dodn;t give johnny an A.

If you don't think that happens then you have no idea how far gone the system is.

There is no concern for the rules of a system that serves the community. The concern is only for ONESELF.

politics....... tainted and corrupt in every place where consequences are unbalanced. And that means we have a diverse problem. just don't know what that has to do with a child serving a detention for mom's missing 'note'....... is set up to cause unfriendly relations in a system that propagandizes the school/parent relationship.

anita........ your just out there pushing that excellence pill. nuf a your stuff already. classist comments and darwinism.

nothing wrong with excellence, now is there?

Unless you are a liberal. They talk excellence, but settle for the mediocrity of average or less, as long as it is all the same for the common person. Fairness in their eyes could even be everyone having nothing as long they feel they are uniquely “special.”

Menmy.. This was a great seed. Very thought provoking for everyone. Hope all is well with you and your daughter. I believe my input here to be 80% civil. As for the rest, I have apologized and tried to explain myself as suscintly and accurately as possible; most importantly with heartfelt apology where I needed to.

Leo...I love it how an actual commitment to excellence is therefore something to degrade; something to look down upon.. Its as if those people who strive for it are somehow less than human because their work ethic exposes things in others they would rather not have to look at? Does that make my children wrong because I'm teaching as I do?

It's also his responsibility to make sure that you sign his journal. If he forgets, it's his fault.

It is my opinion that unless a child has special needs, they should be taught age appropriate responsiblities as they grow up. Making sure a journal is signed is age appropriate for most school students.

It's also his responsibility to make sure that you sign his journal. If he forgets, it's his fault.

Can I just tell you how many times, as a teenager, I would remind my parents about school things, put post-it notes in their sock drawers and on bathroom mirrors, harass them, etc and they would still forget?

I'm 30 now and I still have to do that with my parents! Some people are either just really busy or total scatterbrains when it comes to remembering small things.

I just went through the same thing with my daughters school (Riverbend Elementary). I forgot to sign her journal but did sign the note from the teacher about her talking in class. Teacher gave he a recess detention. I promptly signed every page of her journal from now to the end of the year when I heard about it and then hand-delivered it to the teacher. She said that it would still have to be signed everyday and I told her that if my signature was not good enough I would take it to the School Board (school policy, not the states or counties). I also stopped by the principals office and let her know that if my daughter is punished again for something I failed to do which was not required by the School Board I would discuss it with her and the teacher in front of the Board at their hearing to resolve the resulting lawsuit.

Punish the child for willful disobedience but don't punish them for a parents failings.

Signing an assignment pad is totally different. It IS the child's responsibility to remind you to do it. He knows the class rules and he needs to learn to follow through. It's very simple to hand you the assignment pad when he starts/finishes his homework. If necessary, have that added as an "assignment" for the day. He can't check it off until it's done. I don't have a problem with losing recess privileges for that.

As far as the actual question asked here, no. If a parent calls and excuses the child, then that should be enough. No note should have to follow. Maybe if the kid is sick for a week a doctor's note would be appropriate. But if I decide to keep my child home, for whatever reason, a phone call should suffice.

It's the childs responsibility to show you the journal, age does not matter. It's the parents responsibility to sign it. The child can not control that aspect and should not be punished. We spend 3 to 4 hours on homework each night, they have enough pressure without being punished for something out of their control. If a teacher has that much of a concern pick up the phone and call the parent, we juggle work, home, homework and children, sometimes we forget to sign a paper. We are human, but don't take it out on the students. Lets starts docking the teachers pay for every mistake they make and I bet things will change.

It IS the child's responsibility to remind you to do it.

She did and I forgot. I usually do it in the morning because they do their Read at Home assignment just before bed and in the morning she writes down what she read and for how long. She asked me to sign it but I was busy getting her little brother dressed and ready for school. She is 8 years old and all of 35 lbs soaking wet and I'm 46 and weigh in at 165. At what point is she supposed to slam me against the wall and demand I sign her journal. "Inquiring Minds Want to Know"? The point being that it was one of those hectic mornings and I forgot; not her.

Citizen Kane... do you understand the reason that the teacher wants YOU to sign the journal? It seems like we miss the point sometimes. "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing!" #1 - It keeps the child in check for doing the work. #2 - It keeps the parent in the loop and maybe even read the work of son/daughter to see how well they are doing with their journal. There might even be important things to discuss that are written in the journal.

It's NOT just about the students. It's to have the parents a part of their child's education. Please, as parents, don't just shovel your kid off to school each day without any regard for what they are learning, who they are learning from, and what you can do to help them along in the process! You should not only be a parent... YOU should also be an EDUCATOR!!

When I was in school, my mom couldn't write notes. Dislexia or lack of education , I don't know. I wrote the notes and she signed them.

I never did a lick of homework except to study the night before a test. I could catch up with a month's worth of work in a few hours.

By the time I was 12 I could forge her signature. Which was convenient when snow was on the mountains or the surf was up !

Steve, I have avoided commenting on your other postings but since you addressed this to me I will answer:

do understand the reason that the teacher wants YOU to sign the journal?

Yes, for the reasons you listed.

It's to have the parents a part of their child's education.

Yes again because apparently teachers are not able to do what they are paid to do so I must go behind them to make sure my child is getting the education they need. Blame it on over-sized classes, low budgets for teaching materials, lack of discipline, or disinterested teachers.m Whatever. It still doesn't excuse the fact it is not getting done. I assist my children with their homework and review their tests sent home each week. I make them correct anything they get wrong on the tests which is one step further than the teachers take it. I also check the teachers work to make sure theirs is mistake free. I have already called them on mistakes in reading the instructions in the lesson workbooks and instructing the students to do the assignments incorrectly not to mention the fliers sent home with misspellings and math problems incorrectly marked wrong which were right (editorial mistake in the textbook but still not caught by the teacher). So Yes I am very involved in my children's education!

the school has no idea if you really were gone for a legitimate reason or not."

The author already stated she called the school in advance. Instead of automatically punishing the child with 2 hours of detention they should have given her mother a chance to supply the written excuse to back up the call.

Further into this discussion you state:

if punishing your child because you screwed up

You are endorsing the punishing of the innocent . What lesson is that teaching our children? Justice is for "Just Us"?

Not getting done what she requests from you says to her that your work is more important than the things that are important to her at 5 years old like her education.

They are known as "priorities". Getting them to school takes priority over writing a note or in my case signing an agenda after I had already signed the note on her behavior.
All that being said Steve, I agree with a lot of what you said as far as only some administrators act like petty tyrants and some parents are just looking for free babysitters but in the case of of gross aberration from normal student/parental behavior, it behooves the school to take the extra step to validate whether it is a simple case of forgetfulness or a first step on the path to anti-social behavior.

Too many people are falsely imprisoned for crimes they did not commit and I'll be damned if my child will be one of them even if it is for only 5 minutes or 500 years!

nicely put citizen, were my little one goes, they have their rules but it is more important for them to be teaching the kids then worrying about how late they are, sure they give the kids a slip for the teacher, but I think that is more for the kids to start to understand that they have to show up on time.

Not worry about being late? LOL!! Tell that to their boss when she shows up after she rolls out of bed! At my house, if you're not early, you're late.

Citizen...very well put. We have to sign journals here for our kids as well. They are never punished if we forget to do it. The teachers send us weekly emails letting us know briefly what's been happening and if there are questions. It has been very effective in our schools.

my kids get a lunch detention if their planners aren't signed. Most on-time, organized kids anywhere. The parents LOVE it. I'm raising future leaders.

sounds like it may be a bit tedious and smothering.

My kids are straight A and B students because they choose to be.

Because they want to be? Not because they learn that hard work and dedication reward them with self-confidence, success, and an incredible sense of accomplishment?

For crying out loud Anita, give it a rest. My kids are not going to an Ivy league school anymore than yours are and to even imply that any of our children do not get the grades because they learn that hard work and dedication reward them. You are not the only one here who knows how to parent and again, to even imply that any of us are not instilling values of self-confidence, success and sense of accomplishment is ridiculous.

I happen to be a stellar single parent thank-you-very-much. My kids are well rounded, self confident, independent and KNOW that it takes hard work and dedication to get what they need in life. There are no hand-outs. My kids do great because the choose it. They KNOW it is for them.

i agree with kids learning to keep up with their own stuff.

My girls know if they "forgot" then they better figure out how to fix it. if they drop below a 3.00 Then the start losing privileges.

What gets my goat is when the school calls me in like they have some authority over me.

Parents and schools are a team -- they need to support one another an be united, just like a mom and a dad need to do. The school is your PARTNER. Unless is a major issue (not a stupid 2 hour detention) then learn to SUPPORT the school and teach your children how to work as a team, even when life isn't fair. Surely it will serve them well later.

Because they want to be? Not because they learn that hard work and dedication reward them with self-confidence, success, and an incredible sense of accomplishment?

wrong........... that is the reward for some.

you must be a teacher........... and comments of a misguided sort.

a daughter of teachers...and a mother to leaders

i see.......... a bit of darwin indeed.

survival of the fittest is a law of nature... around since the beginning of time

actually has to do with the animal kingdom, and not a law. and it wasn't actually darwin's:).... and a bit after the beginning of time. but, I am just offering a few details.

like i said...

to some extent... except that we, as humans, have compassion. What we lack the most, is understanding and the ability to prioritize.

this is what is wrong with kids today, their parents not giving them any responsibility and coddling them. A high schooler knows the rules and should have reminded you. My daughter does this and we don't forget to do what is supposed to be done.

That is true all over - and THESE are the people your school tax dollars support as more essential than teachers (they don't threaten to lay them off if the budget doesn't pass - do they?).

What with buildings, grounds, equipment, sports gear and facilities, "administration", transportation, utilities, and maintenance for all of the above; it's a wonder there's ANY money to hire teachers.

hell I would write the note myself and have my mother just sign it, school did not even notice it, it is too strict, bet you if her daughter would have wrote it and signed it there would have been no detention.

Our school's procedure requires either a note following the absence OR a phone call from the parent within two days to excuse the absence, not both. Rather than challenging the discipline, I might research the practice. Why are both methods of excusing the absence required, if indeed they are? Is the school asking for corroboration? I recall my son's orthodontist actually asking us as we were leaving if we needed a school note. Would a parent skew the truth? Should the school challenge what the parent has indicated? That's an entirely different question.

Again our school's procedure, if an absence remains unexcused (no note provided within the 2 days, a phone call IS sufficient) -- warning is given for the first offense; detention given for the second offense; and, In-School suspension for the third offense. These consequences are clearly detailed on our Discipline Matrix which is included in our Student Handbook.

At the beginning of the year, parents are asked to sign off that they have read and understand the procedures in the Student Handbook. Now whose responsibility is it -- the parent's or the student's? I say BOTH. When a detention has been assigned for not having a note, the student had previously been warned. Doesn't matter who didn't send the note, the student knew they should have one.

Admittedly, a 2-hour detention is a bit extreme. Perhaps somewhere in the State attendance guidelines the school gains back $$ for Average Daily Attendance if seat time is served for unexcused absences?

All in all, in 2- hours one would hope that all the reading & homework for the week could be accomplished.

Good luck with bucking the system. Keep your head, make valid points - it probably won't make a difference for this one case, but changes could be made for 'next years' handbook.

You are the one putting your child through this. Just follow the rules and your child will not be punished. Another parent babying their child so they grow up thinking they can get away with everything and blame it on someone else.

How so exactly? In our kids elementary school they have these contracts they write up. It's basically something broken down into sections for the kids, parents and teachers, each outlining what their "job duties" are. They make the kids sign them, then try to bully the parents into signing them as well. I strongly disagree with these. For one thing, legally binding or not my 7 yr old child has NO business signing a "contract" of any type. He cannot possibly grasp what a contract is in the same manner a responsible adult could. Second off, while I take my child's education very seriously, I don't agree with all the statements on there under my "duties". So if I have valid concerns on this and refuse to sign it, my son gets punished. How is my not signing that babying him and not allowing him to grow up?

At 14 she have spent a lenghtly time in the school sytem already and already know the rules handed down to them each yr prior to the start of the school year. I would say let her stand the detention (maybe this will be a reminder to her that it is ultimately her responsibility - I know they put this little tid-bit of info in my childrens forms and its highlighted) and because it was your fault sit her down and explain this to her and THEN take her out or have a mother & daughter day

"If you think you can do a better job, then by all means, home-school your kids."

This is the best advice I've read so far.  I started homeschooling my 3 kids 2 years ago and it is the best decision I've ever made!  How nice it is to no longer have to deal with the idiocy of the schools, plus my kids are no longer being force fed the social engineering propaganda that has become so popular in the public schools.

To the original poster:

I would hope calling in to the office (more likely effective going into the office personally with your daughter present), discussing the issue, requesting the punishment be removed as it was your mistake, and writing a note and signing it in front of them maybe a possible way to display "self-responsibility" and honesty in action for your daughter as the school originally intended the rule to reinforce.

In response to this side thread:

I think parents taking the time and making the effort to educate their children is great, but in once having my parents consider this for my little sister we did come across a few problems with home schooling:

1. the child(ren) lose the social interaction which i feel is imperative for learning of the different personality types, the variety of hierarchy systems in society, and seeing the different situations people go through on a daily basis in a structured society. Most of these issues would be not be a problem if they end up starting and running their own companies, of course, but they do still need to work with the governement.

2. Going along with #1, not being in a school system, the child(ren) do miss out on sports activities or other extracurricular activities, but in being proactive, i'm sure home-schooling parents would hopefully enroll their kids in comparable programs.

3. Major issue: If intending to attend a university, not having "grades,' which for the most part is useless nowadays anyways, it still affects college applications and scholarships/grants provided by the universities themselves. Of course, if you have the money that again is not an issue.

I don't think the school is necessarily going to rescind the punishment on the argument that it was your fault, because as I said, they would counter-argue that it was her responsibility to see to it that it was done. Age 14 is old enough to know what needs to be done when you return from an absence from school. But they might do it just as a means of making everyone happy, though. The squeaky wheel, after all, does get the grease.

And my point in my original reply was more to say "don't call teachers idiots" than anything else. As in any other profession, there's probably a group of maybe about 5% of teachers who have no business doing that job and ought to be fired. But they sure don't represent the vast majority of teachers who are extremely competent, caring individuals who are not automatons of the Evil Monolithic State spouting The Party Line just as they're told. I've worked in a number of schools in different capacities, and for the most part they want nothing more than to help kids learn, but a lot of times they're just as victimized by the regulations placed on them by state legislatures and district and school administrations as you feel yourselves to be. I just hate to see them take the brunt of the blame from parents who feel inconvenienced by school policies.

I try to schedule my daughter's appointments as late as possible. If I can't get a late appointment, I always take my daughter back to school afterwards. Just last week, she had an appt at 10, so I took her to school at 8 for chorus (school starts at 8:45), picked her up at 9:30 and had her back by 11.

As for the school giving the kid detention because of the parent's mistake, that's bs. At my daughter's school, they call if the kid is absent and you have 3 days to bring in a note. After that, it gets put down as an unexcused absence. Three of these get you a call from the truancy office. We don't have after-school detention, the kids have to serve it during afternoon recess.

My kids former school let out at 4pm. It's not always possible to schedule things outside school hours. Msille, I've NEVER ONCE been asked to send a note with my children if they are out of school for a few days. I just call the office and let them know what's going on, and that's it. This may be a regional thing, but please don't assume what's true for your school is universal.

That's awesome! I'm glad your son has learned to stand up for himself. Good job Mom & Dad!!!

That's awesome? To get somebody fired over something that probably wasn't a big deal article in the first place? I'm not so sure....

ron, I tell my kids to stand up for themselves. If someone (a principal in your case) gets in the way, find a way around them. Good for your son.

To get somebody fired over something that probably wasn't a big deal article in the first place? I'm not so sure....

In the real world failure to do your job results in termination. I realize that public education isn't really the real world. I know from experience that mostly the dregs of college educated people turn to teaching as a last resort and college advisers steer the bright and capable into other more lucrative fields . . .but when you fail badly enough that you get the attention of the board, you deserve to be fired.

Wow. There are a lot of people who go into education because of the holidays, but there are also quiet a few of us who teach because we are passionate about helping our students. Please do not suggest that every educator is there because he or she couldn't make it in another field. I assure you, there are more lucrative careers I could have chosen that are far less stressful, but I teach because I enjoy my content area and working with my students.

Really Gwenny? Tell me: what "lucrative" field were you steered into?

As an educator myself I am extremely annoyed by people who assume all teachers are morons. Listen: what the school is doing is wrong in a sense, but rules like this were created because of so many dumbass parents suing the schools when they couldn't find their kids. We have so many students sneaking out between classes, before school, or even during lunch, that a phone call doesn't suffice: we need something to put on record. It could be anyone calling...how would we know?

We have the same policy for when students need to leave school for any reason. Even if the parent is on the phone with us and we know the person, we cannot let the child go. We only excuse them if the parent/guardian who is on the emergency call list comes to the school and shows ID. Even that parent, without ID, can't get the child, nor can another relative who is not on the emergency list. This was all created to prevent people from kidnapping, students from skipping, and parents from suing when their kid didn't come home that night.

Seriously: just go in and talk to the principle. All we want is to make sure that no "funny business" is going on. If he still says she needs to serve detention, for whatever reason, just let her do it and remember next time. It's not the worst thing in the world, and it won't go on her permanent record like a suspension would.

As an "educator", you should know the proper spelling of principal, in this instance. Remember... "The Principal is your pal." HAHAHA! The mother is standing up for a principle. Kudos to our phenomenal education system, wherein notes from home take precedence over learning. You go to school to learn to follow; rules, regurgitation of what your "teacher" has stated, someone else's viewpoint on particular topics, conformity, administrative ineptitude, passivity. We wonder why we no longer own our country, are frontrunners of cutting edge science, and have a surplus of "teachers". We no longer allow critical, independent thinking.

Hey toto!

Lol, teaching 7th graders can have a toll on spelling!

In this case, it is not the teachers doing this. As you said, it's "administrative ineptitude". That's the princiPAL (lol, seriously). We teachers do not have control over these rules nor can we enforce them. Again, these rules were only created to protect the children, but a word from a responsible parent of a responsible child normally can remedy a situation such as this.

I agree toto, there are bad teachers...I work with a few of them...but don't let the faults of a few characterize your view on all of us!

What is more important than the innocent being wrongly imprisoned while the guilty get off scot free? Are you a banker? Should we give the mother a bonus from the school budget as well? We teach our kids to take responsibility for their actions as we take for ours. The school should have asked her daughter for the note and if she didn't have it they could have told her to bring one in the next day or face detention since the mother DID call PRIOR to her being kept home.

When I was a kid, my mother was an epic fail. She divorced when I was 13 and felt she needed to reclaim her lost youth . .the one I f***ed up by being born, a crime for which she often beat me. So she started going out bar hopping and partying. She'd sometimes skulk in at 6a to bath and change, then run off to work. Hell, she didn't even pay the bills a lot of the time and I had a job by age 15 that put food on the table . .food I cooked. She couldn't be bothered to sign report cards or write absent notes. So after a few detentions, I learned to forge her signature and then write just like her. None of us ever lacked parental approval for anything after that.

You do not ALWAYS have to send a note! I never do, I call every time or I might email them to let them know my kids are going to be gone and when they are to be expected back. My kids are 17 and 18 years old and I don't know that I have ever sent a hand written note to school with them, not even when they needed to leave early. And I have never been asked to bring one in for them!

It doesn't say anywhere that the daughter did ask for the note. Then this would seem perfectly reasonable (if it is not a "habit"). The daughter acted reasonably and the parent blew it IF she actually asked for a note ... otherwise is just an additional lie on top of a poor excuse.

She is not in trouble. She is in detention. By your own admission you screwed up and this is the consequence. Sorry you want to blame others but it's your fault.

You are blaming the school for putting her in detention. You say it is your fault but.....

Challenging authority is ok when you know you're right. For example, when I was in middle school, I was given a paper with the left margin cut off. I didn't know it, so I spelled virology "irology". When I received less than a perfect grade on the paper, I questioned my instructor and showed him my study paper. According to the paper I was given, I had given the right answer, so he gave my 100% on the test. If I had been submissive, my GPA would have suffered. I always tell my kids to ask questions and if something doesn't seem right, question it.

To question authority is the right of the young.

would encourage my child to challenge authority is when it conflicts with what he knows to be morally wrong,

Maybe we should have the whole class serve detention since she didn't bring a note from her Mom! Let's punish ALL of the innocents instead of just one!

THANK YOU! Someone said it perfectly.

LV Mom,

What kind of school did you go to? Didn't they teach the meaning and pronunciation of the word when you were learning to spell it? What is the meaning and pronunciation of "irology"? You suggest a very poor and worthless example. No, it was a silly example.

Then we get spoiled, self serving individuals who feel the world owes them and they in turn feel like they can do whatever they want to.

LAJ... great post!

spoiled, self-serving,.... world owes them....... right.

because the detention was questioned?

that is the comment of a state minded neocon.

this is my america............ and the state has gone to far and is getting worse. this is a small example of doing that administratively.

so the state is going to far? lol but $23,000,000,000,000 in national debt isn't?

try to stick to the foundation of the discussion........ come on anita, stay on task:)

state+education does not equal throwing in the entire economic debt to the discourse.

I believe  that stepping up to authority, rather than challenging it, works much better.  Have all your facts and go for it intelligently.  And above all, remember to remain respectful.

At 14 years of age your child should have taken the responsibility for either bringing in the note or serving the consequences.  As good parents, it's our job to help our kids learn that every action has a reaction.